Ugh why is this so torturous? Its all one more thing to just check off the list. I would rather put my efforts else where. Granted, Im probably annoyed that things just didnt turn out “movie-like” for me in any of the major events of this year. Well the partying has been pretty good but everything is total crap. I have no better options and its frustrating. Im glad everyone is excited and Im happy for the great majority of my classmates but I would like a piece of the happiness too. Prom is going to be miserable. Its the closest of these end-of-year events and the one most likely to annoy me most. Ive never cared about dates but I thought I would be happy going and being amongst my friends. whoops, someonedroppedtheballsomewhere
lol i studied but still know nothing. please ib gods, like me and my efforts. i promise im deserving despite the lack of marks i received yesterday.
i just hope that this paper 3 makes sense and that i can do it extremely well. yesterday i was reminded about IA’s and i feel slightly better about my end score but i really need to get this 4. i feel so pathetic because all i want is a 4
instead of studying for bio i have managed to diagnose myself with some random medical issue according to google. i need to go to the doctor asap
well im officially concerned. i never thought bio would be the subject to bring me down. i always thought i was pretty average at it and stellar when it was about an action human process i could understand. Example: I love the endocrine system. it makes so much sense and i know that thing inside and out, of course IB instead asked about muscle contractions. the common theme with all these exams lately is that i know the material and i study and i actually can talk all of this stuff out and sound like a doctor but im not expressing it well. not even in history, my favorite. im truly concerned and if i dont get this 4 on bio (because im scared im barely reaching for it) then i wont be able to get my diploma and skip the college entrance exam for spain. im sick and tired of having this insecurity about where im going. i cant even proudly say im going to spain because i wont know if i get in until IB scores come out and i actually receive the diploma. oh god, here come the tears again.
Today was one of those days where I lost it and now that it’s all out I just feel like Im looking down on everything and missing the connection between thought and action. It makes no sense and it is all about 40 topics at once attacking my mind. Lets just say, this was day two of fondre-ing en larmes.
So much exam cramming. Its all becoming one big blur
im actually good at history but im losing it this year. i dont know what happened
It’s Mr. Zano…lol <3
and you’re like:
the whole experience of prom is just something im not looking forward to. i dont have a dress that i love and i see no hope of finding one that i will sincerely feel dazzling in. group wise its horrendous and i dont like drama so im trying to ignore it, as if that would make the problems go away. im more concerned for after plans and somehow that seems to even be ruined. i just hate that this one individual is being ridiculously self-centered and that there are some who stupidly follow her every move. i’ve never felt excited for school dances and it makes me feel like im missing a part of the whole high school experience